Living with a Big Black Dog

I always have felt overwhelmed before Christmas and then after Christmas. This year the time prior to Christmas was relaxing due to the fact that I was home full time. I was able to get everything done during the day and I even wrapped all the presents days before Christmas.

Actually I was concerned about putting the wrapped presents under the tree as our dog, Griffey, cannot be trusted with any kind of paper product. One day she took hold of the toilet paper in our bathroom and started to run around the downstairs tee peeing everything in sight. Then she started to eat her way back. I am starting to wonder why I am baking her dog biscuits when I could probably just stuff her dog toy with toilet paper and she would be happy. Every teacher should believe that dogs do eat homework.  Our son has turned in slightly chewed up assignments before.  I have even gotten over my fear of opening her mouth and sticking my hand down her throat to retrieve something she is eating.  If it isn't paper, it is plastic bags.  If it isn't plastic bags, it is food she is not supposed to have.

When we sit down to eat at night she will lay down next to my husband's chair but we are not fooled.  We know that someone will end up being the weakest link at some point.  Not every night, but it does happen.  She can quickly jump up and grab something off the table and eat it before we can do anything about it.  And then there is the "magic cloth".  That is what we call the bread cloth that we use to cover the rolls or bread in the bread bowl.  She has learned that if she pulls on the "magic cloth" that bread or rolls will fall out.   Someone must always remain at the table while someone is either putting the food on the table or taking it off. 

Then there was the time that I set bread dough to raise out on our back porch during the summer. I thought the dog was in the house, but she was in the backyard and I didn’t notice her. About 30 minutes later I went outside and saw the eaten up bread dough and the dog was running around the back yard belching yeast and her tummy was growing. We gave her 1 teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide (as recommended by the vet) and about 10 minutes later she upchucked everything. Okay I hope no one was eating, but I couldn’t let her digest all that bread dough. She has eaten a wash cloth before and we used the same remedy. 

One time she ate a bag of Hershey Kisses that I left out.  I can't believe I did that.  I discovered this right before I went to work.  I took her to the vet and they took her into a room and gave her some solution to make her throw up.  Then the assistant came out to talk to me.  I started to hear all this noise of cabinet doors banging coming from that room and I asked if they left Griffey in there alone.  They said yes and I said never turn your back on the ocean or a big black dog.  They opened the door and she had managed to open the cupboard where all the dog treats were and she had eaten a lot of them.  Griffey knew where they hid the treats.  So they took her outside and told me they wouldn't charge me for all the dog biscuits she ate.  Good thing.  She spent the day at the vet for observation.

Over the years that dog has eaten many things but my most embarrassing incident with her was while we were out walking at noon one day. First of all, if you do not like to hear someone talking about dog feces then do not read on. Well, here I am walking her on a main thoroughfare of town when she decided she needed to “do her business.” I had a plastic grocery bag with me so that I could clean up her mess. Well there she was humped over, and she acted as if she was constipated. She kept trying and I was getting impatient and people were passing in their cars and I was pretending not to notice anyone. Then I looked down and there was a long string like thing coming out of her. It was pink or should I say pinkish…. I recognized it as the apron tie from the apron that she had chewed up a few days earlier. Now when a dog is “constipated” they will stay in that humped position until they are “relieved.” They will not walk and try again later. So there I was and I realized that she wasn’t going to move with this “pinkish apron tie” half out of her. I sucked some air, said a few choice descriptive words and then I took the plastic grocery bag and yanked the apron tie out of her. I swear the dog breathed a sigh of relief and then we went on our way.

Two days later a friend saw me and said she had heard a story about a lady helping a dog relieve itself. So much for living in a small town.

This morning she did her ritual of pretending to be sleeping. Then as soon as my husband went upstairs to get ready for work she ran and found some paper to chew on. I swear she doesn’t do this when he is around as he is the “Alpha Male” in the house. I take issue with that.

All the things she did to terrorize me when she was a puppy are but a memory.  When I was living it, it wasn't so funny.  I had to keep the doors closed to the bedrooms and bathroom and I had to constantly be vigilant to see where she was and what she was doing. 

Bottom line, I love her. I can say that now as she is sleeping on the floor next to me while I am typing this. She looks up every now and then and then sets her head down and sighs. Never, never, ever did I think back 9 years ago when she was a puppy that we would still own her into adult hood.  But here she is and when she does "meet her maker" some day, it will be very sad in our household.  We have talked about it and my husband does want another dog after Griffey and I think we will always own another dog.  But does it have to be a puppy?  Isn't there a place for a geriatric stray dog to live out it's retirement years?