Take Pride in Your Home.

What follows is a post I wrote the other night -- I had to go to my in laws yesterday when I planned on posting this, so I got a little behind.  This post is a little "scattered" as I was having trouble concentrating.  The point I want to make is to enjoy your home no matter where you live. The humblest of homes can be the ones filled with a lot of love and happy times. 

No matter if you have a lot of money, or are barely getting by, take pride in your home.  Your home could be a little 1 bedroom apartment, a small rented house, a starter home that you are purchasing or your dream home.  It doesn’t matter where you live, take pride in it.  Don’t look at what other people have or where they live.  Don’t put down where you live, it is your home.  Don’t think about what you don’t have or wish you have, this will only make you unhappy. 

I have lived in small apartments, a one bedroom rental house that was a little dilapidated, a little two bedroom ranch that we bought to the old, old house we are in now.  I am happy because we are able to live on one income and have a life beyond my being tied down with a full time job outside of the home.

One of the biggest killers to a budget is envy.  I totally understand why God warned us of this in the scriptures.  If you think about it, envy causes people to purchase a lot of things that they can’t afford or need. 

You’re invited over to someone’s home for coffee or a meal and it is beautiful.  Not only is the kitchen state of the art, but the entire house is just beautiful with hard wood floors, woodwork and the beautiful lighting.  You are shown from room to room and you admire all of the furnishings and little art pieces.  You have a wonderful evening and then you drive home.  All the way home you think about that beautiful house and how if you could only have the same house, you would be happy and not want anything else in life.  You pull into your driveway – there is no garage.  You get out and kick at the gravel on the driveway.  Why can’t we at least have a paved driveway?  Then you walk through the yard, onto a creaky porch and as you reach for the door handle, you look up at the door and it has peeling paint on it.  Goodness, can’t we even afford a decent door?

Yep, I know the scenario well. I have lived it, yet I moved beyond when something happened.  I had some friends with beautiful homes that worked so much that they rarely spent time at home.  They had a lot of stress in their lives because they worked constantly and didn’t have much free time.  They were busy running their kids to all of the dance classes, sports events and much, much more.  Families became worn out and relationships became fractured.  In the course of a couple of years I saw friends get divorced.  I’m not saying that new homes cause marriage problems, but their decision to “own” high end homes, cars and furnishings, along with giving their children everything they felt they should have, led to living far beyond their means  and the stress that came with it. 

I learned that it doesn’t matter what others think about where you live or what type of home you own, it only matters to you.  When it comes down to it the one thing that everyone must learn is to ignore the envy and move beyond it. 

Also take pride in your home.  I’m not saying be prideful.  I’m saying that we need to take care of what we own and in so doing create a warm home environment for your family.

We purchased our house in 1997 and have a lot of work to do on it.  Most of what I have to do is remove decades old wallpaper and then repaint it.  There are floors to refinish and one room needs the paint stripped off of the wood trim.  It is very time consuming, but I have the time to do it.  When the kids were living at home and when I was working full time, I didn’t have the time to renovate.  When you live on one income you can purchase an older home that is very affordable.  Then you work on it a piece at a time and make it into something beautiful. 

We have had to buy big ticket items for our house this year.  In March we had to replace a furnace and the central air conditioner.  In September the water heater had to be replaced.  We had to put on a new roof a couple of years ago.  Next year we need a new front porch floor.  I’m not sure if we will be able to do it on our own and may have to hire it out.  No matter, we are still ahead than if we would have bought a new house back in 1997.  Even after 17 years a new house could have needed a new furnace and the things that we have replaced in our old house.  Not only is our mortgage low, so are our taxes.  Purchasing this old house way back then was the best decision we ever made.  It was because of this old house that I can remain home.   We do not know a lot about remodeling or home repairs.  We learn as we go.  Thank goodness for the internet and You Tube.

When you don’t have a lot of money, you can still make your physical structure of a house, into a home.  Even if you rent and can’t paint a lot of things, the best thing you can do is keep that little home of yours neat and clean.  Less is definitely more and the simplest of decors, can be the best.  Too much stuff or clutter of knick knacks can make a space look over the top.  Worn couches and chairs with worn areas or spots can look very inviting with a quilt thrown over them.   I have had to repair upholstery myself with a needle and upholstery thread.  One couch we had years ago was getting so worn on the fabric that I purchased a skein of rug yard in the same color as the upholstery and wove it in and out to cover up a worn spot. 

I am always amazed at the simple things in a home that make it look so pretty.  Dollar store votives, on a mirror with a little greenery is so pretty on a counter.  Pretty valances in a kitchen made from a fabric remnant can add a pretty little touch.  A little doily under a picture on a side table, looks so homey. 

Don’t get caught up with what you think people think of your home.  It doesn’t matter what they think as you are the one living in your apartment, rental house or purchased house.  Don’t buy more house than you can afford and in fact go one step further and buy far under what you can afford.  Better to purchase a home under your budget than to over extend yourself and be unable to enjoy the life God gave you.

Back to Almost Normal

My father in law had surgery last Thursday evening and came home on Saturday.  My in laws live about 1 hour away from us.  I have been driving to their house a lot over the past week.  The joy of being home is that I am available to my family when they need me.  It was the plan all along when I decided to be home that I would have that luxury.

My husband is one of 5 children in his family.  The rest of the siblings live all over the country and are making plans to come and visit their parents and help out.  My in-laws have 2 acres of land on which their house is built on and my father in law is a Master Gardener.  The next two weekends will be work weekends getting their property ready for the winter.  I will also be going to their house at least once a week to visit and see if there is anything they need me to do.

Now it's back to my home and my homemaking goals.

Yesterday the temperature was in the upper 50's so I washed windows on the outside of our house.  I didn't get to all of them, but made it to the ones that really mattered.  I was running out of time so I decided that the windows in the main living areas were my priority.

While I was sitting with my in laws in the hospital, I started to knit on a round loom and turned out some simple knitted caps.  I had never done this before and decided that since I would have a lot of sitting and waiting time, I might as well put my hands to good use.

I have a lot of homemaking odds and ends going on right now.  Reading the vintage home economics books, decluttering my house, keeping up on the normal daily housework AND getting ready for a new puppy.  Yes, as if my life isn't busy enough, we will be getting a golden doodle puppy in December.

Back in September we made the decision to add another dog to our family.  We already have a labra doodle.  I contacted the breeder that we got Molly from and was fortunate to find out that they had a litter of golden doodles on the way.  The puppies were born on October 21st and Decker will come home on December 10th.  Why the name Decker?  Because my husband is a runner and not just a weekend runner, he has been a runner for over 40 years and he runs several miles a day.  He has run 12 marathons and runs many, many races during the year.  Molly runs with my husband at least 2 miles out of his 6 to 7 mile daily runs.

So, nothing like a deadline to get my home keeping act together as when that puppy gets here, I will be spending my time housebreaking and going through obedience training.  Getting a puppy just before Christmas is not the ideal time, but when you have a great, reliable local breeder that has just what you want, you take a puppy when you can get it.

Now, this blog is all about living frugally and homemaking so where does a new puppy fit into this? Over the past 5 years we have paid off some of our debt and can afford another puppy.  A new puppy will also keep me more balanced with my bouts of depression and more importantly, our other dog, Molly, needs a companion.  It is my goal that over time both of our dogs will be able to be trained to be therapy dogs.  BUT -- owning and training a dog is work, work, work.  Dogs don't just behave because you show love to them, you have to have them go through obedience training for a well balanced dog.

Molly and my husband after running a 5K race
They came in second.

Tomorrow's post:  Take Pride in Your Home.

My Day

Today was a day of this and that activities.  I finished the laundry, worked on the walls in the livingroom and picked up some fresh produce at one store and birdfood and squirrel corn at the other store.

The best part of my day was when I helped at our church with the elementary kids Wednesday program.  I was in charge of the games for these kids.  First we get together in the choir room and sing crazy kids songs, hear a Bible lesson and do a simple craft.  Then came game time.  We did the limbo and another game that consisted of keeping a balloon in the air with one hand.  Simple games and simple activities. The best part is listening to the conversations that take place during the craft time - the giggles of the girls.  One girl is always smiling and giggling - I love her.  Also I love during game time how the kids help each other out. 

Then it was a quick trip to Wal-mart for paint samples and more patching plaster and then back to church for the Senior High Youth group.  I helped with dinner, cleaned up and got home at 8:30 this evening.  Again, with the Senior Highs it is the conversation while they are eating and the laughter, teasing and fun. 

I'm exhausted in one way and refreshed in another way.  Ahhh - being around youth can really lift your spirits.  But for now I'm going to bed.

Coming out of the Fog - Depression

Today is day nine of being on an anti-depressant.  It has been a little bit of a struggle.  My doctor increased my thyroid medication dosage 1 month ago and about 3 days after being on the new dosage I found myself being increasingly edgy and nervous, which is a side effect.  I'm not sure if coupled with not getting a lot of sleep or the holidays being so hectic, but that edginess and nervousness got worse and I started displaying some OCD behavior and became depressed. 

I called my doctor and I started on 1/2 dosage, for four days, of an anti-depressant.  On the 5th day, being Monday of this week, I started the full dosage.  Eight hours after taking the full dosage I had the type of side effects that, according to the instructions, said to call my doctor immediately.  Namely I had ringing in my ears, a headache that was borderline migraine, chills, weakness to the point that I felt like I couldn't walk because my legs would go out from under me and a mild panic attack.

I called my doctor and he told me to go back to the 1/2 dosage.  I did and now a few days later I am feeling pretty good.  The only side effect that I have now is restlessness at night and unable to sleep very well at night but that is even getting better.  Last night I woke up after sleeping for 1 hour, moved to another area of the house to sleep, and then I fell back asleep for almost 6 hours.  Last night was the first night that I got a good night's sleep since going on the anti-depressant. 

Okay, why am I telling you this?  It pays to stick with the medication.  You may get worse before you get better.  The impetus for my sticking with it was the alternative of being depressed and OCD which was far worse than taking the medication.  Yeah, Monday was pretty scarey when I was experiencing the side effects but I knew that if I went off the medication, the alternative wasn't good either. 

Today I feel like me.  I haven't cried in over a week.  The OCD behavior is gone.  Even though it is a gloomy, snowy day outside, I feel as if I could really tackle some household chores.  This is a good thing since I haven't done much for the past 10 days. 

I went to the grocery store today and picked up a few things.  We don't need much, just fresh produce and milk and eggs.  Having a food supply the likes of mine is great when you aren't feeling well. 

I decided to spend some money on me and my husband thinks this is an absolutely great idea.  I am going to go to Curves on Monday, the 17th for a free week to check it out.  I can walk to Curves from my house and I can then workout away from home and with other women that I know.  I will find out what the one time fee is and the monthly fee when I visit for the first time. 

I can save money in other areas of our budget to make up for this, but since we have been paying off debt, it won't be entirely necessary.  Also, I got my hair cut and colored on Monday, prior to experiencing the side effects thankfully, and it is so much easier to take care of now that it is a couple of inches shorter and it looks better too. 

So here is the lesson learned.  I need to be careful about planning too many projects that keep me at home, especially during the winter months.  Getting out is important.  Making lunch dates with friends are important also.  I can do it all within our budget and still meet our financial goals for the year.

Now that I have the energy I can get back to "What's for Dinner tonight?" and make a list of possible menus to choose from for the rest of the month. 

Life is good - even when the sun doesn't shine outside.

Be Authentic

Some recent comments on my post on the three books that have impacted my life, have led me to write this post. 

Never apologize for the choices that you have made in your life.  Be authentic.

When my oldest son was born I had to go back to work when he was 7 weeks old.  We knew it before we even had him.  Our first child had died after her birth in March 1984 and I wanted another child really bad. We waited about 8 months until I got pregnant, knowing that I would have to work after the baby was born.  I was fine with that as long as I had another child.  I wasn't willing to wait another 3 years to have a baby in order to be able to afford to stay home.  Fast forward to the day before I went back to work after he was born. 

I was picking our son up from our church nursery after the morning worship service.  The minister's wife was in the nursery holding him and as she handed him to me she said "so tomorrow mommy is dropping you off at someone else's house to be raised."  I just stared at her and made a comment that we needed my income.  Her reply was that I needed to bake my own bread.

Okay, now at that point in our marriage baking bread was not going to be the money saver that was going to allow me to be home full time.  Also, I needed support and not criticism at the time.  What I should have said was this.  "My husband and I agree that my working is the best for our family and we would appreciate that people not stick their nose in our business."  I didn't say it as this was the minister's wife and she intimidated me.  My husband did make a comment to her later about "not criticizing my wife."  I wish I had his boldness.

One year later I had quit my job to stay home with my son.  In order to be able to afford to stay home I babysat a little girl who was the same age as our son.  So the minister's wife criticized me again by saying that I should be home and focusing on my family, not someone else's child.  I responded with "mind your own business."  She was so dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I walked away making no apologies for my life nor did I ever apologize to her for that statement.  I always greeted her at church with a smile and put that moment behind me but I was shaken up for quite awhile.

It is very emotional to stand up to people for what you believe and to also realize that you don't have to justify what you do to other people.  But in saying that, I realize that we as women are alway seeking approval or validation for what we are doing. No one can live your life, but you.  There will always be people who will judge others and want to give them unwanted advice. 

I'm home number one because I want to be home and number two, it happened earlier than I had expected due to the loss of my job.  I had job opportunities but I turned them down as I saw my situation as an opportunity to finally be home full time.

By being home full time and living on one income, I have made friends and acquaintances uneasy. I make them uneasy as for years, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, we would tell each other that we wanted to leave the rat race and be home for good.  Now that I am doing it, it makes them very uncomfortable. The majority of these people really choose to work, whether it is due to retirement money, extra money or really the real reason is that they love their jobs.  Own it - and don't feel bad because you are living the life you choose to live whether you hold down a full time job or whether you are home.  You may be working full time because you have lost the majority of your retirement due to the recession.  Your family may need the extra income and you provide a vital support for your family.  Maybe you enjoy your job and would not enjoy being home full time.  It's okay.  Don't seek to justify to others why you work.

In the alternative, if you have made the switch to being home full time, don't justify that to others either.  It is really no one's business the choices we have made.  When people ask me what I am doing these days, I tell them that I am home full time.  They think it is temporary and I tell them, that this is my new career.  I am home for good and am very happy.  I usually get a "I wish I could do that" and I respond "I wish you could too." and then I move on in the conversation. 

Just live your life ladies and along the way you will always encounter people who will feel that they owe you their opinion.   Don't seek justification for the life you are living, whether you are working outside of the home or you are home full time.  Enjoy your life, even if you are working and don't want to work.  Perhaps you are home and unemployed and want to have a job.  In the meantime, enjoy the life you have and "Bloom where you are planted."

One year since I lost my job

and do I look happy?  You betcha.  As of yesterday it has officially been one year since I lost my job. 

I used to hear newly retired people tell me that the first year was a period of adjustment. I would definitely agree with that.  After working for years I can say from my own experience that yes, it does take time to adjust.  It has taken me almost one year to adjust to my new life and lifestyle. 

Probably the hardest part of being home has been a sort of loneliness.  Like it or not, working is a social event.  You are surrounded by people and you interact with those people.  Okay, some of those people may not be anyone that you would normally "hang out" with, but they are people that you talk to and are with every work day. 

I have become more and more at peace with being home alone.  For all those years I worked and was surrounded by people, it has been sort of tranquil to be myself during the day.  If I want to be around people, there are many avenues I could take.  One would be to get more involved at our church.  My DH and I already teach an adult Sunday School class and I help prepare and deliver meals to people who are sick.  For now, with everything I have to do at home, that is enough extra activity.

This upcoming year I have a mega amount of home projects to get done.  When I finally have these projects complete I plan to find other areas I can volunteer at our church.  I love our church and the people.  It is a church that believes strongly in volunteering and helping others. 

There have been ups and downs financially over the past year as has been the case with a lot of families.  I was one of the fortunate people in that I had 9 months' warning that I may be losing my job.  A lot of people go to work one day and are laid off then and there without warning.  

My DH changed jobs in January which was for the better for him.  With the economy being what it is, he won't be getting any raises over the next few years, but he loves his new job and is very happy.  Also a big part of the job change was his new boss.  He is someone that we have known for a long time and he cares deeply about people, especially his employees and their families. 

It's taken me a year to get used to living on one income.  At the beginning I was gung ho about not spending money but I ended up constantly feeling deprived and unhappy.  I went to an extreme.  Then one month ago I realized I had swung to the other end of the spectrum.  At least I turned it around and have found a happy medium. 

For me being home has been a job in progress.  I am constantly tweaking how I do things and reinventing myself.  It's been a wonderful year and now I realize the gift I was given almost  22 months ago when my boss sat down in my office and said "I'm thinking about applying to be a Judge.  If I do and am appointed, I will have to close the business."  I'll never forget his face when I said "I'm ready to be a full time homemaker and retire."   It's been a great year.

How Living Frugally has Affected my Family

I am not an authority on marriage and raising children.  Since I am a wife and mother, I do feel that I can comment on the subject.  Everyone makes choices in their lives for themselves and the people they love.  For me I try to make the best choices but sometimes I must admit that a lot of things seem to fall into the category of luck. 

Living on one income and living frugally has been the best thing we have ever done for our family.

Not having a lot of money means that you end up staying home and not going out a lot.  What does this mean?  We eat dinner as a family every night at home at our diningroom table.  It means that we watch t.v. together (we love Survivor) and eat homemade pizza when we want to instead of waiting for the pizza delivery guy. 

Living on one income has meant driving to a destination instead of flying which means interesting conversation and memories on road trips.  And we do have a lot of memories.

Not having a lot of money means shooting hoops in the driveway or renting a movie for entertainment.  It means interesting conversations after meals around the diningroom table and knowing what is going on in each other's lives - the good and the bad.  It means that we are a close family.

Living on one income means that we are with each other more, eating a home cooked meal in the evening and doing things together. 

I know what is going on in my son's life.  I know his friends, I know his struggles, I know when he is upset and I know when he is just fine.  I know the ups and downs of raising a teenager.

We know each other's wants, needs and dreams.

By my being home I have been able to prepare home cooked meals, baked homemade healthy bread, kept the cookie jar stocked (most of the time) and made sure we have clean clothes to wear at all times. 

My presence in the home during the day means stability for my family.  I am the one to make sure that things run smoothly so that when my family is home at night, it is peaceful. It is a rarity now to have to throw a load of laundry in the washer late in the evening as there isn't any clean underwear or run to the grocery store in order to cook something for supper or to have the house totally amess and out of order or to miss an appointment because we forgot.  It is far less chaotic.

I know that my being home is the best thing I can ever do for my family.  We are doing without the extra money and are gaining more family time.  I used to work many evenings playing catch up at work and as long as my husband was home, I felt that it was okay for me to go back to the office.  It is much better with the three of us being home in the evening monitoring our son's homework or just being there when he wants to talk to one of us.

I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world. It is worth the scrimping and cutting corners to make it happen. 

How has living on one income or less income affected your family?

Being Home Alone

I am asked quite often if I still like being home and yes, I do. Being home means many days of being at home alone but it doesn’t mean that I am lonely.

For many years I worked outside of the home and dealt with the public and specifically our clients. The moment I would arrive at work the phone would ring and clients would stop by to talk, whether they had an appointment or not. I would spend a couple of hours taking care of people’s needs, before I even was able to type one word on a legal document. This led to my bringing a lot of work home at night in order to keep up.

Work became an interruption to my life. Years of my life were spent burning the candle at both ends. It seemed that my work life was spilling over into my home life constantly and the lines between work and home were being blurred.

Now I have my morning cup of coffee and I decide what I am going to do that day and make my plans. The only interruptions I have are an occasional phone call. I am in control of my day which brings me great satisfaction.

It is different when you are home with small children and have no adult contact during the day. Getting away with some friends is a good idea and in many ways I feel it is a necessity to connect with other mothers at that time in your life. It is like hitting the refresh button on your computer.

I was home for a few years off and on when my boys were younger so I know what it is like to be home with a baby or toddler and have no adult contact during the day. It was harder and even though I liked being home, it wasn’t without its interruptions. When you have kids you can make plans and those plans can change. I had to be flexible with what I wanted to do in a day. A simple day planned with getting the laundry done or perhaps cleaning could take forever sometimes when my boys would want and need to go for a walk, they were sick or fussy, or just the fact that every household chore took a little longer when you are also caring for little ones. My alone time came when my husband got home from work and we ate and I would get out and go for a walk alone.

Being home alone works for me in my life at this time. I have the opportunity to meet friends for lunch when I want to or to help out at my church. These are my choices and are not interruptions. I am in charge of my life and what I do with my day.  I finally have the opportunity to focus all of my attention on my family and our home. 

Nearly every day it is me alone at home and I find that after many years of being surrounded by people in a high paced office, that home has become my sanctuary.

I have a purpose in my life right now and that is a strong desire to be home.

This is where I am meant to be.

So, do you still like being home?

A week doesn't go by when I am asked this question at least twice.  It is getting a little old. The question is bad enough but the tone in which it is asked is unsettling.  It's like they are saying "Are you done having your vacation and ready to go to work?"

If I had a small child at home no one would give it a second thought and it would be acceptable to be at home.  But no, not a 50 year old woman whose youngest child is in school.

As I recall back in the 70's when I was in high school the women's movement was going at full force.  I remember everything was about choices.  Women should have the right to choose ....  (fill in the blank). If a woman wanted to be a lawyer, she should pursue that dream and should also be paid the same as a man.  If a woman wanted to start her own business, go for it.  Well you get the picture.  I remember then that if a woman wanted to stay home and take care of her family it was starting to be frowned on by other women.  The difference is that society as a whole still accepted a women's role as homemaker and really expected it also. 

I remember the case of a school teacher that was pregnant and forced to quit her job as soon as she started "to show."  It's hard to believe that a situation like that ever existed.  I don't ever want to go back to that time and the way women were treated.  In the early 1980's I had a secretarial job.  Every morning the V.P. of the company would ask me "how's your sex life?"  To complain would mean being fired and I needed that job.  I would just smile and say nothing.  Can you imagine if that was done today?  I am grateful for the changes in our society and the acceptance that women can work in any career.  But does society really believe that?  Remember the title of my post? 

Fast forward 30 plus years and now it would appear that women my age should be in the work force contributing not just to the family income but more importantly to a retirement fund.  I am looked at as an uncontributing member of the family. I don't believe this.  My husband doesn't believe this. 

Since I have been asked the "So, do you still like being home" question I have also had six women that are my age make the following comment:  "I wish I could do what you are doing."  They always say this to me in a quiet voice as if someone from some women's committee somewhere will jerk them by the collar and scold them.  These women are in the following careers:  a bank president, a lawyer, accountant, human resources director, teacher and an administrator. Maybe I'm a trend setter in my area.  Maybe I am the first in my group to stand up and say "Yeah, I know I can have it all and I don't want it or I don't even want to try anymore." 

"So, do you still like being home?" damn right - pardon my French!!!

Some Random Thoughts

I wrote in a previous post and some comments about how not spending money is something new I need to learn.  Today I was thinking how in this present recession it is a easier to talk about cutting back and not spending money than if we were living in more prosperous times.  People identify with not spending money right now.  In fact I think you could say that it is quite in fashion.  What will happen in a few years (or sooner) when we are out of this recession and when unemployment goes down? Will people go back to their old spendthrift ways or will they stay on track?

I have encountered several people over the past few weeks who have asked me if I am home for good or if I will be going back to work in a few years.  I usually respond with "I am taking time off from the workplace for a few years."  Today I told someone that I have no intention of going back to work.  I have been a little afraid to admit this to people as I knew I would be countered with not contributing to the household income.    After all I have skills, I have experience and when the economy rebounds I would be able to find a job, but why would I?

I love my new life here at home and it is not temporary.  I have experienced so much peace and contentment in my life since I have been home that I would find it very hard to give up.  God would have to write it in the sky.  

My favorite time of the day lately has been when I walk the dog - usually at noon time.  We live a couple of blocks from our town square and I watch people hurry to go to lunch and run around.  I smile and look at our dog and think, there is no amount of money that could draw me away from this.

Thanksgiving is this week.  Our family has much to be thankful for.  We have a home, my husband's income is adequate to cover our needs, we have not been sick and we have friends and family.  I am also thankful for my Christian faith, my relationship with God and am reminded at this time of the sacrifices that were made for me.  Simple living and learning to live frugally have brought more joy to my life in the past few weeks than a paycheck ever did.

It is my prayer and hope that everyone experiences the joy of thankfulness that I am experiencing during this season.

Little things add up

In 1986 my oldest boy was one and I wanted desperately to be home with him.  Finally I quit my job and stayed home.  I earned extra income by babysitting but we were left with a $150 per month food budget.  This was difficult back then as coupons were not as prolific as they are now.  Also, I have often thought that I would have faired better if the internet would have been invented then as I have used this as a good source of information.  I stayed home a few years.  I should have looked into part time employment but didn't.  I wanted to be a stay at home mom in the worst way and my DH knew that.  Our first child had died in 1984 after her birth and we thought our DS would be our only child. 

It was rough financially.  We didn't even live paycheck to paycheck - it was worse than that.  The main problem - we didn't plan for going to one income but went on emotions. 

When I had the opportunity to stay home this time I knew I could live on less; do without and such because we would not be living paycheck to paycheck.  Yes, over the past few years of working I had put aside being thrifty and spent what I wanted to spend but I knew that the time had come to be home again and I could do better.  When I worked I felt entitled to spend money on work clothes and eating out.

With having about one year's notice of going to one income, we made plans.  We saved and paid off bills so that we could live on one income. We still have a ways to go and there are more areas where I could save money.  Our youngest son goes to college in two years and we will be putting him through college on one income.  It will not be easy but we are planning ahead. 

I watch Suze Orman on Saturday nights and I am often convicted by the fact that we need more money in savings.  In order to put more in savings for emergencies I need to plug those leaks.  For me its those $5 dvd's at Wal-mart.  I've started not to go to that section of the store.  It's other things such as driving somewhere when I could be walking.  Those little things do add up.  How about those magazines?

Even when I have been stockpiling on groceries I have put things back on the shelf if I feel I really don't need this.  It may be a good price and I may have a coupon that has brought it down to 50 cents but do I really need this?  An example is paper products and laundry soap and flour based items.  I can use rags; make my own laundry soap; and bake my own bread. 

Little things do add up.  Sometimes it does pay attention to the small things.

Taking Baby Steps

I am sitting here with my morning cup of coffee and I have read the morning paper.  Before I start my housekeeping chores I wanted to post a bit about taking baby steps.

I know me.  I know what works for me and what doesn't work for me.  Making a lot of changes at once is a set up for failure for me.  However, that doesn't mean that I don't have lofty goals of getting things done in a small amount of time.  Lofty is the key word here.

While I was working I would think about what it would be like to be home all day.  I remember that I told myself that I would be up early, showered and once my family was out the door I would start cleaning my house and doing all sorts of chores and such.  I was going to keep my morning schedule of being ready to go to work by 8:00 a.m.  Well, that hasn't happened yet.  My DH is the high school cross country coach and practices start at 6:30 a.m.  We have a black lab and he always walks her early in the morning so during cross country season I get up early and walk her.  By the time I got back to the house I would make a cup of coffee and then our DS would walk in the door from cross country practice and then my DH.  Both would be hurrying to get showered and on to school and work.  By the time they got out the door it was 8:00 and I was still trying to have my cup of coffee and read the paper.

Well, cross country practice ended about 2 weeks ago and I have found myself up at 6:30 not to walk the dog but to read the paper, drink my cup of coffee and check my e-mail and such on the computer.  Now I am usually out of the shower, dressed and with makeup on (got to have it on some days) by 9:30.

This is not working and I am slowly being lulled into a schedule that is eating away my housekeeping time.  I feel as if my day is getting away from me by then so I need to obviously make a change.  However, in saying that, I also know that it was necessary for me to take some time over the past few weeks to just settle in.  I worked a highly stressful job and many times I would only get 5 hours of sleep per night.  In fact, it has taken close to 3 months of being home for me to be able to sleep through the night. 

Now that I am sleeping better and feel so much better, it is time for another change.  Change means baby steps.  It is time for me to get up and shower and get ready for my day so that I can start my house work by 8:30 in the morning.  I'm ready and I can see the big change it will make in my day.

I have made many changes over the past 6 months and I feel the reason I have been successful is that I have taken baby steps.  This works for me.  Also, I have learned not to be too hard on myself when I have not been able to get things done in the time I would like to get them done.  My decluttering took a while.  It is easy to get lost in a big project and feel defeated when you make yourself work on it all day long without taking a break and working on something fun.  My DH encouraged me when I was 3 weeks into being home full time and I told him that I couldn't believe how long it was taking me to get my house in order.  He told me that he wasn't surprised as he thought I had put too much time constraints on myself.  He wasn't saying that I was lazy or that I had done a poor job in housekeeping while I worked full time (I would say that was true, but he didn't feel so), but he was saying that I should take it slow and steady and it would get done in time. 

When I was decluttering, I worked so hard taking a room at a time.  I didn't see results for a while but then one day two weeks ago I was working upstairs and decided to take a break.  I sat down and put on a dvd for a couple of minutes.  I was watching the dvd and having a snack when I started looking around the upstairs.  It looked nice.  The rooms needed cleaned, but things were put away, there wasn't any stuff on the floor and all of a sudden I realized that I had pulled things together by working on my house a little bit at a time.

Baby steps, breaking projects into small manageable pieces, not being hard on myself, and making adjustments as needed works for me. So beginning tomorrow, I will get up, shower and start my day a little different than I have for the past few weeks.  I'm ready to get started earlier, but this doesn't mean that I won't give up that first cup of coffee in the morning and time to read that morning paper.  I will just be doing it earlier.

What is necessary?

I've been thinking a lot about this question.  However if I were honest I would find that there is very little in my life that is necessary.  I could live in a 1 bedroom home with a wood stove for heat; I could eat a simpler diet of rice and beans.  Is it necessary to own more than 1 vehicle, have cablevision, have a cell phone?  Well you get the idea.  I want to live in the house that I have lived in for the past 12 years and I want to eat simple, frugal meals but not a diet of only rice and beans. 

So, in this path I am traveling I am constantly asking myself what is a want and what is a need.  What areas of my life can I cut back on in order to save money?  How low can I go in my quest for living a frugal lifestyle before I feel deprived?  One fact that I am sure of:  the pennies add up.  I can no longer say that I don't have the time to do something.  I have the time to bake whole grain breads, make noodles, walk instead of driving somewhere, make my own cleaners and so on.  Since I am no longer earning a paycheck, my new role is to find ways to save money and stretch my husband's paycheck. 

So what is necessary?  Hmmm.....

Settling in and Grocery savings

Sometimes taking some time off from writing and trying to regroup is a good thing.  I have been spending a lot of time in the past 10 days or more trying to declutter and get my home organized.   The main floor of my home has been decluttered which is a good thing.  Now I must work on our upstairs. 

I am settling into a routine which is good.  I had a routine at my former job and having a routine at home is equally beneficial. 

Today was grocery day.  In this path to frugality I have struggled in the area of grocery spending.  I have been searching the sale ads, clipping coupons from newspapers and searching for coupons on line.  I used to quickly look over a store ad and rarely clipped any coupons.  Now I take the time to review the sales ads, clip the coupons and make a list.  Well today it paid off.  I spent around $80.00 net.  I had a total of $35.00 in coupon savings.  I can hardly believe that I got $115 worth of groceries for $80.00.  This has been a goal of mine to save a lot of money on our grocery bill.  My best deal was that I got 5 pkgs of toilet paper free.  It was on sale for 99 cents for a four pak and I had 5 $1.00 off coupons.  I was able to buy cereal for $1.00 a box with coupons matched to the in store sale. 

I am feeling more confident about my new life at home.  I sleep better each night as there is no work stress.  I spend my days cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and such and I love it. 

The county I live in here in Iowa has the highest unemployment rate in the state.  Since I am now grocery shopping during the day I have noticed that there are people at the check out using their food stamp card to pay for their food.  A lot of these people are men with their children.  Wives are working while their husbands have been laid off from their jobs.  One man was in front of me with his two little girls.  He paid for his groceries with his food stamp card but still owed  69 cents.  He used his credit card to pay the 69 cents.  I look back at that and I thought about offering to pay for it, but he appeared to me to be a man that valued his dignity and would have been embarrassed to have me offer to pay 69 cents and thereby acknowledge his financial situation.

As for the free toilet paper and the $1.00 boxes of cereal - I will take them to our local food pantry for distribution to anyone who needs it.  Now I am more motivated to seek sales and use coupons so I can purchase food and donate it to the food pantry.

Step by Step

There are two things that I am finding I need to master in my "new career."  Yes, it is a new career at least that is how I am viewing it.  One of the areas I need to master is working step by step to get my house in order.  Instead of trying to look at the total big picture I am breaking everything down into manageable pieces. This is much the same steps I used when I was a legal assistant and had to tackle some big projects.  Yesterday I didn't think I was doing very well. After all it is hard to play catch up on housework when you are trying to do the day to day chores of laundry, meals, picking up and so on.  Yesterday I sat down and tackled going through all of the music and music books that had cluttered up the area around the piano.  I sat down and just went through the stack in about 20 minutes.  The room instantly looked better.   When one room looks better I get energized to work on other areas.

Sometimes as I write in this blog I think that if any "seasoned" homemaker reads this she will think I am nuts as she has been doing it for years, but in all honesty we cannot be on the "top of our game" all the time.

The second area I need to master is money.  My husband and I discussed a food budget of $125 per week for the three of us.  We have also budgeted another $25 a week for the type of items you would purchase at Wal-mart.  Now I have been stockpiling food since February when I subscribed to the Grocery Game - www.thegrocerygame.com.  It only costs $1.25 per week and it has helped me save a lot of money and really stockpile my pantry and my freezer with rock bottom prices on meat, canned goods and so forth.  However, I can do better.  Instead of buying paper towels at a rock bottom price, why am I buying paper towels at all?  Any money spent is not money saved so I am now looking at everything I can make homemade or do without as a way to save money.  $125 per week for 3 of us is quite a lot of money when you look at things as a whole.  I can bake bread, tortillas and such.  I can cook soup from scratch so I am now starting to look at my grocery budget a little differently.  I do have a supply of cleaners that I had purchased in the past year when there was a two for one special and I had a coupon, but do I really need all those different type of cleaners and also, I can make my own cleaners for less than what I bought them for on sale. Everything that I feel we need to purchase I am now looking at differently.

We need to save more money to replenish our savings account and I know that even a penny here or there can add up. 

Now, I am devoting my time to getting my house in order and to saving money.  Thankfully the internet is a wonderful source of information for me.  I have come across a blog entitled Under $1000 a Month in which a young family with small children are actually living on that amount per month.  Also I have come across other sites such as the frugal mom and all of these sites have wonderful ideas of saving on everything.  I am not bringing in an income now but I can save as much money as possible and contribute financially in that way.

I am going to quit buying paper towels.  I have a supply of old bath towels that I am going to cut down and make into manageable towels about the size of a paper towel. Also I am already making my own powdered laundry soap and plan to convert to the homemade liquid laundry soap that is more economical as soon as I can find a big covered bucket.  I tried a homemade dishwasher detergent yesterday and it worked great.

I am retraining myself in the area of money and instead of running out when I feel we need something I am seeking other alternatives. When I was employed as a legal assistant, I was well paid.  I worked for a very long time so I never really thought about eating out or going on line and buying something.  I just did it.  It takes awhile to change a habit.  I want to stay home and never work again so I am motivated to make the changes that I need to in order to make this happen.

Gaining Control

In my former job as a legal assistant I worked a lot of hours.  Many times I brought work home and worked on weekends.   I worked for a sole practitioner and the only vacation backup was when his daughter or my son were available during the summer to work and give me time off.   I loved my job.  I enjoyed working in the area of the law so I was willing to make the sacrifice in other areas of my life.  I could keep on top of all sorts of projects at work and balance multiple cases at a time.  Why then am I having a terrible time gaining control of my messy house?  I gave up on the housework in early June and did only what was necessary as I was going to be responsible to close the law firm.  My employer was appointed as a judge.  There was a lot of work to do and I knew that come August I would be at home.

Now - here we are at the end of September and I have made some strides but am struggling in getting into a routine and schedule at home so that I can get my house in order.  One thing that has not happened, I do not miss my former work life.  Even though I was a career woman for many years and I loved my job, I also longed to be home full time.  Something always stood in the way.  Perhaps it was saving up for a house or putting our oldest son through college or maybe it was the fact that I wanted to quit but couldn't imagine telling my boss.  Hence it was decided for me.

I did work very hard at the beginning of this month and I cleaned out the basement.  It seemed that if I was going to make an attempt to get organized, the basement was the place to start.  After all that is where we store a lot of stuff.  I got the majority of it organized and when I go to the basement to do laundry I feel a sense of pride. 

I have thought and thought and the only way for me to gain control in my housework - cleaning, laundry, cooking, baking, home renovation projects and such is to treat my home as I treated my former job.  I have to make a plan, set goals and have a deadline.  Most important, I must make a schedule and do what I can to not deviate from it.  This is going to be interesting and I am wondering how many other women have worked this path with me - longed to be home, but facing the frustration of not being able to gain control and get things done at home.

Leaving the workplace

I lost my job on July 31, 2009.  I had plenty of time to prepare for this and my husband and I decided that I would stay home and not look for another job.  I am tired.  I had worked for 16 years as a legal assistant and the stress at times was great. Now I have traded in the work stress for the challenge of learning to live on one income. 

I am not too computer savvy but I wanted to start this blog so that I could enter my day to day challenges of re-training myself to not spend money unless it was necessary and to find ways to save money.  Soo - this blog set up may not be perfect but I will learn as I go.