Be Authentic

Some recent comments on my post on the three books that have impacted my life, have led me to write this post. 

Never apologize for the choices that you have made in your life.  Be authentic.

When my oldest son was born I had to go back to work when he was 7 weeks old.  We knew it before we even had him.  Our first child had died after her birth in March 1984 and I wanted another child really bad. We waited about 8 months until I got pregnant, knowing that I would have to work after the baby was born.  I was fine with that as long as I had another child.  I wasn't willing to wait another 3 years to have a baby in order to be able to afford to stay home.  Fast forward to the day before I went back to work after he was born. 

I was picking our son up from our church nursery after the morning worship service.  The minister's wife was in the nursery holding him and as she handed him to me she said "so tomorrow mommy is dropping you off at someone else's house to be raised."  I just stared at her and made a comment that we needed my income.  Her reply was that I needed to bake my own bread.

Okay, now at that point in our marriage baking bread was not going to be the money saver that was going to allow me to be home full time.  Also, I needed support and not criticism at the time.  What I should have said was this.  "My husband and I agree that my working is the best for our family and we would appreciate that people not stick their nose in our business."  I didn't say it as this was the minister's wife and she intimidated me.  My husband did make a comment to her later about "not criticizing my wife."  I wish I had his boldness.

One year later I had quit my job to stay home with my son.  In order to be able to afford to stay home I babysat a little girl who was the same age as our son.  So the minister's wife criticized me again by saying that I should be home and focusing on my family, not someone else's child.  I responded with "mind your own business."  She was so dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I walked away making no apologies for my life nor did I ever apologize to her for that statement.  I always greeted her at church with a smile and put that moment behind me but I was shaken up for quite awhile.

It is very emotional to stand up to people for what you believe and to also realize that you don't have to justify what you do to other people.  But in saying that, I realize that we as women are alway seeking approval or validation for what we are doing. No one can live your life, but you.  There will always be people who will judge others and want to give them unwanted advice. 

I'm home number one because I want to be home and number two, it happened earlier than I had expected due to the loss of my job.  I had job opportunities but I turned them down as I saw my situation as an opportunity to finally be home full time.

By being home full time and living on one income, I have made friends and acquaintances uneasy. I make them uneasy as for years, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, we would tell each other that we wanted to leave the rat race and be home for good.  Now that I am doing it, it makes them very uncomfortable. The majority of these people really choose to work, whether it is due to retirement money, extra money or really the real reason is that they love their jobs.  Own it - and don't feel bad because you are living the life you choose to live whether you hold down a full time job or whether you are home.  You may be working full time because you have lost the majority of your retirement due to the recession.  Your family may need the extra income and you provide a vital support for your family.  Maybe you enjoy your job and would not enjoy being home full time.  It's okay.  Don't seek to justify to others why you work.

In the alternative, if you have made the switch to being home full time, don't justify that to others either.  It is really no one's business the choices we have made.  When people ask me what I am doing these days, I tell them that I am home full time.  They think it is temporary and I tell them, that this is my new career.  I am home for good and am very happy.  I usually get a "I wish I could do that" and I respond "I wish you could too." and then I move on in the conversation. 

Just live your life ladies and along the way you will always encounter people who will feel that they owe you their opinion.   Don't seek justification for the life you are living, whether you are working outside of the home or you are home full time.  Enjoy your life, even if you are working and don't want to work.  Perhaps you are home and unemployed and want to have a job.  In the meantime, enjoy the life you have and "Bloom where you are planted."

I Smell Gas!!!

There is nothing that sends me into a frenzy than a home emergency.  Yesterday I was down in our basement in the only room that has a dirt floor.  I store items on a shelf in that room and I was reaching for my crockpot when I smelled it --- natural gas or at least I thought that's what it was.  My DH didn't smell it and thought the room smelled more like a musty basement but I wasn't so sure.  So it nagged on me for the better part of the day and finally I decided to call the utility company and within 30 minutes a utility worker was in my basement with some kind of instrument that "smelled" for any leaking natural gas. 

And guess what -- we had a natural gas leak in the gas pipe that supplies the kitchen stove.  The worker shut off the gas to the stove and before he even left the house I called a plumbing and heating business and set up an appointment for one of their employees to come by this morning to fix it.

It was an easy fix - replace the pipe and refit it.  As the worker explained to me the turning on of a gas stove automatically releases pressure in the gas pipe and alternately when not in use, a normal amount of pressure builds.  Over time it may result in some minor leaks. 

What did I learn?  Even if you are the only one that smells a possible natural gas leak, call it in.  Next, learn where the natural gas, and for that matter the electric and water shut offs are to the house so that you can shut things off in case of an emergency.  In case of a natural gas leak, don't turn on any light switches or anything electrical and it is best to leave the house and call from your cell phone outside or go to a neighbor's house. 

Gotta Laugh at Yourself Sometimes

Yesterday I decided to bake an apple pie for today's lunch.  Seem's easy enough, right? 

WRONG!!!!!

and another view

This is what is remaining of the big rubbermaid bin that I use to store the 8 dozen muffins I bake every Thursday evening for my DH's cross country team for breakfast on Friday mornings. 



The before picture

On Friday when he came home from practice I put this large container in the oven for safe keeping.  There were about 1 dozen muffins left and I didn't want our dog to get into it while I was taking a shower.  There it set in the oven, unforgotten until yesterday when I started to preheat the oven to bake the apple pie.

So in about 5 minutes I started to small something funny and I opened the oven door and there were gobs of plastic melting in my oven.  I did what every other woman would do, I screamed.  My DH ran into the kitchen while I grabbed two potholders, pulled the oven rack out with the melting plastic bin.  My DH held the back door open for me and I ran out in the back yard with the mess. 

We started to carefully scrape hot plastic off of the oven rack.  We got as much off as we could then we soaked the rack in a steamy hot bathtub of water to try to make the plastic more pliable.  While it soaked I inspected the inside of the oven.  There were just two small pieces of plastic on the bottom of the oven and they came right off.  Well, in order to get the rest of the plastic off of the rack we resorted to heating up the oven with the rack in it (the hot water in the bathtub didn't work).  Then when the plastic started to melt again we pulled it out, ran into the back yard again and was able to pry the rest of the plastic off the rack. 

One hour after first discovering the plastic mess, I started to bake the apple pie.

The pie was good and there was no plastic aftertaste.

Flooding

Leave it to life's cirumstances to bring you back to earth and be thankful for what you have, even if it is a little water in your basement.

Last night our community was hit with a flash food.  We received close to 7 inches of rain overnight. There were some people that had to be rescued from their homes along with their pets.  Water has rushed over roads and brought with it remnants of sheds, propane tanks, pieces of a house and more.  Some tiny homes have water up to their roofs.  It is a little unsettling when you see in your own community that kind of destruction. 

The call went out for volunteers to help sandbag some areas so my DS is sandbagging this afternoon.  Also he is taking pictures as he runs a news site and when he returns I will post some pics to my blog.  

I'm sure our local United Way and Red Cross will be putting out a plea for donations and our community always steps up to help people. 

We had about 1/2 to 3/4 inch of clean rain water that was in our basement and I have spent all day sucking it out with a couple of wet dry vacs.  It was still coming in through a small little hole in the mortar but that has now gone down to a little trickle.  We need to invest in a radius (curved) gutter to put around the front of our house where the roof line is curved.  Guess we should add that to the list of things we need done.  However, getting that much rain in a short amount of time when the ground is saturated, nothing probably would have helped.  We have had so much rain everyday that it is a wonder that we haven't had much flooding before this.

As I was working in the basement I listened to a Christian radio station on my MP3 player and the speaker was Evangelist Chuck Swindoll.  I love listening to him as he is interesting and funny.  He said that if you are going through a struggle (yep - I was) and you don't know what to pray, say this simple prayer "Lord have mercy." 

Lord have mercy - not only on me but on anyone who is struggling and especially those who have been affected by the flooding. 

Wrong Impressions

I need to clarify something from my post "Making Financial Decisions - Part 2" re my DH.  I quoted him as saying "Your job is to take care of us."  In only giving that quote, I fear I have given everyone the wrong impression of my DH. 

My DH grew up in a two income household.  In the 1960's his mom went back to college, got her degree and has been working in the field of social work ever since.  His father is a minister and he helped around the house a lot.  When I say help around the house I am talking about laundry, cleaning and other traditional "female" tasks.  They had a total of 5 children, so his father knew that he needed to pitch in and help and he did.

When we got married I was surprised at how much my DH helped me around the house.  He had quite the example in his father as in my DH's mind, there are no such things as male or female jobs.  There are just jobs and things that need to get done.

I am always second guessing things or as I prefer to say "I like to ponder a lot."  In the almost 30 years that we have been married my DH has never told me what to do.  I have worked all but a few of those years at jobs that I took because I wanted to work.  He is not over me in leadership in our household as we consider ourselves a team.  We make decisions together, although sometimes we both must think about the other person's viewpoint which could take a few days. 

My DH made that statement so I wouldn't keep "pondering."  In the end it is entirely up to me if I work outside of the home or don't work.  He wants me to be happy and I in turn want the same for him.

I broke my glasses -Those Unexpected Expenses

Yeah - we all have them, unexpected expenses.  One cannot ignor that unexpected things do happen and not to plan for them is reckless. 

While on vacation this year I broke my glasses.  Fortunately I always bring my old pair with me on vacation. That is a throw back to about 12 years ago when we were in Chicago at the Museum of Science and Industry.  A screw came out of my glasses and one of the lenses fell out. I went to a service desk and asked if they had a paper clip.  No one had a paper clip or piece of wire at the Museum of Science and Industry.  I had to wear my prescription sun glasses throughout the museum and at one point I was tempted to take a piece of wire off of a display.  Ever since then I always bring an old pair of glasses on vacation. 

On the last day of vacation this year I woke up, put on my glasses and the bow fell off.  I looked closely and saw that the place where the bow attaches to the frame was broke.  There was no quick fix to this problem.  I pulled out my old glasses and was again glad that I had brought them. The only problem was that they were my old prescription, which only changed slightly so I knew my only problem would be with reading.  Nevertheless, my DH didn't want me driving.  No problem, I read my Kindle ( I had to hold it closer to my eyes) while he drove us home.

As soon as we got back from vacation I went to my optometrist to see if the glasses could be repaired.  They could not.  I trust him as I have gone to him for 22 years. I know that if he could fix them, he would.  So then it was off to try on frames.  I liked several, but I kept myself at a $150 budget for the frames and I wouldn't budge.  Yeah, they have wire frame glasses that are so lightweight and comfortable, but not for $300.  I narrowed my choice to two frames and the assistant told me that she could order those two frames in about 3 different colors for me to look at.  So she did.

I like trendy styles when it comes to glasses.  I really, really liked the pair that had broke and I didn't want to give up style because we are on a budget.  I picked out black glasses with a purple and black design on the bows.  I would have selected them even without looking at the price.  I know they sound weird, but they look great on me.  I found a similar pair online here.

Since I had an eye exam in December 2009, I didn't need a new exam.  Back in December when my DH was at his old job, he had eyeglass insurance.  It didn't cover everything, but it at least covered the exam and a portion of the glasses.  I didn't get new frames back then as I loved my frames and didn't feel the need to replace them.  My DH and DS went ahead and got new frames and lenses.  I should have.

Today I selected my new frames - $136.00 and then when they added in bi-focals and glare resistant coating and so on it came to $379.00.  Remember, this didn't include an eye exam since I had one in December.  Then they gave me a $70.00 discount as it was my second pair of "lenses" within a 12 month period.  The net is $309.00. 

If I added in the cost of the examination ($100.00) to the total cost of the glasses without the discount, we are talking some serious cash - $479.00.  Over lunch my DH and I were discussing this expense.  We have been building our emergency fund so we have the money to pay for the glasses, but the discussion went in a different direction.  Maybe we should go somewhere else for glasses.  What are our options for purchasing our glasses at a lower cost?  Sooner or later someone else in our family is going to need glasses and perhaps we should shop around.

We have never had this discussion before.  When I was working I just bought what I felt we needed and it would never have entered my mind to go elsewhere to get glasses.  Now we are having those discussions.  Perhaps 22 years of purchasing glasses at the same place needs to change and we should try someplace else.  It is worth the try.  I have a friend who buys her glasses on line but I like to try on the frames in the store. 

So the next time I will have my optometrist do the examination and if my prescription changes, I will go to Lens Crafters for the glasses. The only problem is that I would have to drive about 60 miles to the nearest location, but if I got a good deal and was satisfied, it would be well worth the trip.

Not Playing by Life's Rules

In my life I feel that I have always been in the wrong age category.  I have either been too old or too young. 

My youngest son was born when I was 34 years old.  I was the oldest mother in his kindergarten class and frankly I suspect I continue to be the oldest mother in his grade.  When he was young I attended a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting and I definitely was the oldest mom there and I was the age of one of the mom mentors. 

Now I am home full time when most of the women my age are off to work.  The women that are at home right now are not my age, they are about 15 to 20 years younger than me.  We have little in common I have come to find out. 

This has probably been the hardest part of my change of being a professional career woman to being a stay at home wife/mother.  I don't have a friend my age that is home, with a child the age of my son.  When I decided to be home full time I was meant with a lot of weird looks from other women.  Some looked at me as if I had frogs coming out of my ears.  Nothing new to me - after all I have never lived my life playing by the rules. 

I graduated from a junior college when I was 20 and my parents fully expected me to move back to my home town in New York (I was attending college in Kansas at the time) and get a job and never move away.  That was the summer of 1979 and I made a decision that changed my life.  I decided to follow my boyfriend back to Kansas and find a job while he attended college.  I would work, he would go to college and we would get married some day.  So without my parents blessing I moved back to Kansas in August of 1979.  One week later my boyfriend and I broke up.

I had very little money and I wasn't going to call my parents for help.  I was determined to make it on my own.  Perhaps it is just being 20 years old and having a feeling that I could make it work that made me push on.  My former boyfriend moved to a different town and I was left alone in Ottawa, Kansas.  But, the story continues.  Ottawa is the home to a private liberal arts college named "Ottawa University."  I walked on the campus and into the admissions office one day before school started and enrolled.  I explained my situation. They called my Junior college to verify my g.p.a.  I was given a Presidential scholarship, obtained two part time work study jobs and was given a room on campus. 

I had a rough financial road ahead of me.  My work study jobs covered the expense of books and some of my tuition.  I had about 5 dollars left per week for any of my personal expenses.  I remember trying to wash all of my clothes in 1 load and hanging them to dry.  I also grew my hair out as I couldn't afford a haircut. 

The following spring I met a guy who was getting ready to graduate from Ottawa.  Two weeks after our first date he proposed.  We have now been married almost 30 years.

So, yes,  I have not played by the rules but I am so glad that I never did the safe thing and stayed in my home town and lived there for the rest of my life.  I am also very happy to be home full time at my age even if it goes against the rules.

How did you spend your Weekend?

We spent ours cleaning up water from our basement.

These pictures were taken after the water stopped coming in the basement.  There was no time to take pictures when the water was pouring in.  Yep, we had a storm among storms on Saturday morning.  In 3 hours we received 4 1/4 inches rainfall.  At one point our street looked like a river flowing past us.  It was as some would say, surreal. 

On Thursday we received an inch of rain and on Friday we received an inch of rain.  The ground is totally saturated.

Every now and then we will get some water in our basement.  By every now and then that means when we forget to clean out the gutters and even then it is a trickle of water in two spots.  The water is easily cleaned up with a mop and then of course with a gutter cleaning.  There have been times when my husband has run outside in a rainstorm to climb up on porch railings to grab a handful of leaves out of the gutter that is blocking the downspout.  You hear a whoosh and see a bunch of those helicopter thingeys and leaves coming out of the downpout with a considerable amount of water.

We now have gutter covers on the majority of our gutters and it didn't matter on Saturday morning as the rain fell hard and fast.  I went down to the basement to check on things  Two years ago I spent a considerable amount of time repointing some of the bricks in the basement and putting caulk around the floor. We haven't had a trickle of water in the basement for years. In 2008 when Iowa received a lot of rain and with the floods that resulted we didn't get a drop in the basement. 

When I turned on the light I saw a trickle of water coming in.  Then I looked over in a different area and another trickle was coming in from the corner.  Within 30 minutes there was so much water coming in that even with a wet dry vac we could hardly keep up.  Thankfully we only have an area rug that we can quickly pick up off the ground.

It took 3 of us working in 2 inch deep water to try to keep up.  We had two people at a time using wet dry vacs, emptying the water into buckets as a third person took the buckets of water and poured them down the laundry tub to drain.  It took about 15 seconds to fill a 10 gallon wet dry vac.  At one point we found where there was a small hole in the mortar where the water was coming in like a spigot.  We positioned a pan over it and then poured that into a bucket and so on. 

We worked from 8:00 in the morning until 8:30 in the evening.  The water wasn't coming in near as fast and we finally gave up for the day. 

This morning we got up and the water was dried up with only two little puddles.  While we were sipping coffee and reading the paper we heard thunder and yes, it started to rain.  I went to the basement and a little trickle of water came in but it only took a towel to dry it up. 

When we got to church this morning our Associate Pastor told us that he had water in his finished basement and the sewer was backing up.  The pond near their yard was flooded and so was the street in front of their house.  Many families had water in their basement and for some it was a first time.

Tomorrow we are supposed to have rain and there is a chance of rain on Tuesday.  I wouldn't be surprised if we start seeing animals walking 2 by 2 any day now. 

We have made a list of what we need to do.  This is going to be expensive but we need to have a custom made radius (curved) gutter to go around a curved portion of our roof.  That will help considerably to drain the water away from the house.  We need to put some different landscaping around the front of our house that will help with drainage issues.  I am going to research putting a sealant over the brick walls of the basement and I also need to go and look at all the bricks in the basement to see how the mortar is holding up. 

Of course if we have another storm like we had on Saturday it is possible that no matter what improvements we make we may still get some water in the basement.  My goal is for a trickle of water or none at all. 

I am thankful that: 1.  We were home when this happened.;  2.  There were 3 of us to work on getting the water cleaned up; 3.  The water was clean rain water; 4.  That my husband went out and purchased a second wet dry vac and it was the last large one available; 5.  My basement floor is so clean and I was able to pick things up quickly so nothing was destroyed; 6.  I was finally able to make myself take some garbage bags and clean out the junk that I had been meaning to get to; and that 7.  Compared to what happened in Arkansas with the flooding we are blessed beyond all measure.

Or yeah and 8.  We had some water "bonding" time with our teenage son.

Unexpected expense

Yesterday we had an unexpected expense in the area of $700 that has left me reeling a little.  We had the money in savings which I am thankful for.  It was disappointing but also gratifying that we had the money to pay the expense without putting it on a credit card.  Yes the emergency fund is low, but with what I have learned over the last several months on cutting back, I know we can start building it back up.

Years ago we would have just pulled out our credit card and added more debt to what we already had.  Now we plan ahead and it makes me feel so secure.

So today I am thankful that we had money in the bank to pay for an extra expense and I am grateful.

What will we tell our grandchildren?

I have been thinking a lot lately about this "Great Recession" that we are living through and specifically what we will tell our grandchildren about this time in history.  My grandmother and my mother lived through the Great Depression and when I was a child I asked what it was like.  I can remember the majority of the stories that they told.  Grandma's phrase "gather up the fragments and use them up" has come to my mind many times over the past year.

Here is my story that I will tell them.  How in August of 2007 when we were on vacation the news was just breaking about the subprime mortgage market collapse which over time led to a stock market crash (2008), banks closing, widespread unemployment, foreclosures, families being kicked out of their homes and moving into tent cities and so on.    I could name more.  Ultimately due to a significant decline in income (due to the recession) the small law firm I worked at closed. 

That is the basic story.  The story within the story is as follows:  the reading of the newspapers in August of 2007 and the uneasiness I felt which led to a major debt reduction plan.  I had never been quite so motivated to tackle our debt especially after reading articles in the Wall Street Journal and hearing experts predict the possibility of what was next.  By the fall of 2008 we had reduced our debt considerably, had some money in savings when I realized there was a great possibility if the economy didn't rebound soon, I would be out of a job.  It would seem that the experts had been correct in many of their predictions. 

We didn't put our heads in the sand but continued to get prepared by working on debt, not adding debt and putting money into savings.  By the time I lost my job in July 2009, almost two years after the news broke about the subprime mortgage market collapse, we were in good shape financially speaking.  Because we had prepared, I had choices.  I could stay home or try to find another job.  I chose to stay home.  We had taken the steps necessary that we could live on one income if we had to or wanted to. 

We did not throw up our hands and deny what was going on.  We didn't go out and spend money wildly so that we would feel better by owning something new.  We remembered the recession of the early 1980's and the stock market crash in 1987.  Both times we were employed and didn't lose our jobs and really saw no change in our lifestyle.  This time was different.  This time we saw more widespread unemployment, more foreclosures and such.  We could feel a sense of dread or fear.  Fear is good if it motivates you to make a positive change in your life.

So the story I will leave with my grandchildren is that we should always be prepared for the possibility of a time of famine in our lives - yes just like Joseph in Egypt.  We should all be prepared.  Live below your means is a good thing.  Ask yourself constantly when you are shopping "Can I afford this?" and then remind yourself "that you have everything you need."

When a crisis arises, don't panic, don't stick your head in the sand and say all is lost.  Instead step back and take a good look.  Trust in God and use the commonsense he gave you.

Doctor's Appointment and Worry

Later today I will be posting my blogger awards.  I wanted to post something about yesterday. 

I had not had an annual exam at my Gyno for 18 months and was able to get an appointment yesterday.  Normally like clockwork I go once a year for a checkup.  I have had some aches in my side and I am also at the beginning of menopause.  Ugh.  I see a nurse practitioner in the OBGYN group that I have gone to for years.   There are some concerns and more tests have been ordered plus a consult with a doctor within the group.  I go to the lab for the blood tests this morning.

I had a 35 minute drive home from the doctor's office yesterday and immediately I started to worry all the way home.  Of course, I am one of those individuals that worries about everything and I instantly think of the worst case scenario.  My first thought was that when I die someday I will have to make sure that my best friend picks out what I am to wear in my casket as my husband has no sense of fashion sense and he has some color blindness.  Yes, this is my sick humor.

The odds are that perhaps I will need some minor surgery - perhaps I have a cyst.  But I am a worst case scenario person who wants to be prepared at all times.  When I was pregnant with my first child my water broke when I was 25 weeks along.  I was taken by ambulance to a University Hospital and two days later she was born and died.  I demanded from doctors that they be honest with me at all times.  They were.  Her chances were less than 10% chance of survival and I credit my recovery with the fact that they were honest with me. 

The following year pregnant with my son I was hospitalized with premature labor.  It was stopped and I was put on bedrest.  He was delivered 6 weeks early.  Again, during the hospitalization and throughout that pregnancy I demanded honesty about the baby and me.  I knew that I could hope, but that I was in a high risk pregnancy and had to be prepared at all times. 

This morning I sat on my couch watching the news.  The situation in Haiti is terrible and here I was wondering about my health.  Bottom line.  I will get the lab work done today, call the doctor tomorrow if I am not feeling better to see if they can see me sooner for a consult OR I will end up at the E.R. this weekend at the local hospital. 

I am my best advocate.  I am rarely sick.  For me to not feel well, and with knowing that there are some concerns by the nurse practicioner, is foreign to me.  I haven't had a health concern since my second pregnancy.

I know my body and waiting 3 weeks (consult appointment is Feb. 5th) seems ridiculous if something can be done now.  Worry can rob me of joyful days.  This is the last thing my family needs right now.  They need for me to get the meals ready, laundry done and get this home up and running better.  Our home needs to be more of a sanctuary due to other stressor's in my family's life. 

My DH's job is IMO - in the toilet right now.  He has a job, but new management is treating not only him but several employees terribly.  They can get away with it as there are no other jobs to be found right now.  Add to this stress the fact that his health insurance went up $32 per paycheck which we must now absorb into our budget.  Granted if I am having health problems I am grateful to have health insurance. 

I want to be feeling better and be healthy so I can concentrate on home and family.  Now I'm rambling and it is time to get to the lab for the blood tests.  Yuck -- I absolutely hate blood tests.

Two Roads Diverged in the Middle of My Life

I have been feeling somewhat blue in the past few days.  We have had another snowstorm and school was cancelled yesterday and today.  The temp is below zero and here I am in my bathrobe at the dining room table typing this post.  Peanut butter dog treats are in the oven (we ran out last night).  I am warm, I have clothes, food and shelter - yet I have this feeling deep down in which I wonder if I am going to make it or not living on one income and being at home. 

This feeling is temporary - perhaps it is hormonal.  My DH's job has been stressful and frankly if given another job opportunity he would leave.  We lost 1/3  of our income last year when I became unemployed and now I am wondering if I should have accepted a couple of the job offers that came my way last summer?  The job market is totally dried up now and I should not spend time second guessing my decision to stay home. 

I never felt much financial stress when I was working as my income was the cushion income in case something happened.  Tuesday of this week I was in the upstairs of our home and the sunshine was spilling through the windows brightening our bedroom.  I looked up and I thought I noticed some "old" moisture spots and a small crack in the gabled ceiling.  We know our roof is going to need to be replaced in the next couple of years but now I was thinking - oh no, it is going to need to be replaced this year.  This sent me into a little bit of a spiral.  Add to this that my DH's job is not going well, and I got one big case of the doubts - perhaps a pity party is a better way to describe it.

I don't believe that being home full time for 5 months is enough time to actually determine if this is what I want to do long term.  Too many decisions are made during an emotional time and I know that deep down I want to keep trying. 

This morning on the "Today Show" on NBC they interviewed Gretchen Rubin who wrote "The Happiness Project."  As I was listening to the interview I understood the epiphany she had experienced regarding her life and the changes she wanted to make.  I had such an epiphany in September 2008 and that was that my life was too hectic.  I owned an old house that I wanted to restore and never had time to get anything done due to work.  My youngest DS was going to college in a few years (now 18 months away) and there were many things I had left to teach him and to just enjoy being with him.

When I lost my job and had a couple of job offers I saw that I did have two roads to choose at that time.  Who was turning down job offers last summer?  People were unemployed and many were desperately seeking a job.   But I decided that instead of continuing the way I was continuing I would take a road that was being less travelled at this time.  I had a choice and I chose to stay home. 

No one has a perfect, happy life.  Stuff happens - snow storms, loss of income, health problems, stress and such but we do choose what to do with these situations.  My question to myself today is this:  am I going to let circumstances in life steal my joy?  Or am I going to accept that life does hand you lemons, move on and keep working at what I find that I really do best - being home and becoming a homemaker.  I have been given a great opportunity to be home.   If I were to be offered a job today and accept it I would always wonder what would have happened if I would have given myself more time. 

I can't control how my DH's boss treats him.  I can't control the economy.  I can't control the fact that our roof has reached the end of it's life.  I can't control the majority of things that happen in my life but I can control how I react or don't react to these circumstances.  I can continue to watch the pennies, nickles and dimes and save up the money we will need for a new roof. 

It is true what they say - that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  I am making a conscious decision today to be happy and be grateful.  I have more resources than the majority of people in the world have.  I have the love of God along with my needs being met.  I have a wonderful family and most of all the love of a great man.