April 08, 2010

Being at Peace with My Weight

In previous posts I have talked about the need to lose weight and how some clothes do not fit anymore.  Well, last week I had to sit myself down and have a reality check.  I am not overweight.  I actually do not need to lose weight. 

Some clothes in my closet do not fit.  The question is do I want to wear crop pants (or for that matter anything in my closet) that I purchased over 5 or 6 years ago?  I lost a lot of weight too quickly 3 years ago and I knew that I would end up gaining it back as it was just a fact.  You lose weight very, very fast and it will not stay off forever.

Instead I have made a lifestyle change by including exercise in my daily life.  I have changed my routine somewhat in that when I work out on my Bowflex Tread Climber I go strong for 10 minutes, then I go slow for 5 minutes, then faster for 10 minutes, then slower for 5 minutes and finally I really go as fast I possibly can for 10 minutes and end with a 5 minute cool down.  I used to workout on the treadclimber for 45 minutes straight.

My new workout is better for me in so many ways.  I can handle 10 minute increments with a 5 minute slower pace so much better than 45 minutes of a straight workout.  Also, it has tricked my metabolism.  I have been doing this for 4 weeks now and I can honestly say that it has made a big difference in toning. 

Tweaking my workout has helped tremendously.  I am also at peace with my weight and how I look.  Just because some of my "old" clothes do not fit me, does not mean that I am overweight.  I am 51 years old and I am accepting of my "middle age" body.  For 51 I look great and that is good enough for me. 

Spending my day obsessing and beating myself up because I was unable to get into a pair of capris that I wore back in 2004, does not do me any service nor does it lift me up. 

I know people that would love to be my size.  There are people that truly struggle with weight and have a difficult time losing.

Three years ago I weighed 133 lbs. after I lost 12 lbs. very, very quickly.  Now I weigh 142 lbs.  BTW - I am 5' 5".  I am healthier now by far than I was 3 years ago.  I exercise and I eat healthier and I feel better too.  Whole grains are a big part of my diet now as is a nice big (and I mean big) salad for lunch everyday.  Then at supper I eat whatever I am fixing for everyone else, in moderation, and then that is it.  Yes, I have cookies - 1 or 2 - and not 4 or 5.  And for snacks, I love clementines, apples and I snack on a whole grain granola bar or whole grain cereal. 

Women have a number in their mind of what they feel is a good weight for them.  For me that number has been 135 lbs.   Now I don't have a number.  I just want to fit in clothes and look good and be healthy.  I am not out to look like I did when I was first married - thirty years and three children later - well it isn't going to happen.

In getting older I must accept changes in my body.  As we age we can gain weight and it is okay.  Dressing to look good is what I am more interested in.  I am a good person and I refuse to let my unhealthy body image define who I am and hold be back from what I want to become. 

I purchased some new crop pants from JC Penney this week.  They have had quite a sale so I ordered 2 pairs on line.  I ordered size 12.  I have been a size 10 for 15 years.  The pants arrived yesterday and I tried them on.  One pair is white.  Okay, white crop pants can be a mistake, but I have always wanted a pair of white pants. When I looked in the mirror I was very pleased with my appearance.  The fit was perfect - they weren't too tight and they weren't baggy. 

This is a big deal for many women to move up a size.  Do you know what I learned?  Moving up a size is a good thing.  Having clothes that fit without being tight is a self esteem booster.  Hanging on to clothes that don't fit, opening the closet door and seeing them there is just plain draining on a person's soul. 

Time to move on.

Today I will take all the clothing items out of my closet that do not fit me anymore.   I refuse to hang on to the past and I'm moving on.  And I am going to order two more pairs of size 12 crop pants.

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