Depression rears it's ugly head.
Yep - started to recognize the signs over the weekend but was in denial. Then I decided that just to be safe I should meet with my doctor to discuss how I was feeling. I met with him for about 30 minutes and both of us agreed that an anti-depressant was needed. Since I had been through this before I was able to get to the doctor sooner than I had the first time around. This means that I won't have to suffer as long as I did the first time. Start on the meds sooner, get relief sooner.
What a bummer. I have been weaned off an anti-depressant for about a year now and I honestly thought I would be able to manage my mental health and well being without some added help. But, that's okay and I now understand that.
I'm not embarrassed by this Actually I think that we need to be more open about this just as we would be open if we were suffering from a physical illness such as arthritis and diabetes.
I did not have this problem until I entered my 50's, which is bringing me closer to menopause. I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroidism 3 years ago and have found that I need to have my blood checked every few months to make sure that my thyroid medicine doesn't need to be increased. In fact my doctor told me that he wouldn't be surprised if that is part of my problem right now. I have learned that I am my own best judge on knowing my body.
One of the first symptoms of depression for me is the inability to let things go, to take one isolated incident and make it into something grander to the point that I keep playing that incident over and over in my mind and can't stop. I become totally obsessed - OCD. Usually it is something that makes me afraid to the point of being paralyzed with fear - totally irrational fear. In a few weeks this is something that I will look back on and be completely puzzled by how I could have possibly felt this way. But for now, it is real. While anyone else would say oh well and move on, I can't. Normally this is not a problem, but with the sun not shining for a long time, it being cold and having to be inside more, I was already feeling a little blue.
A perfect storm was forming.
As I go through this illness, I find that there are certain times of the day that are harder than others. The mornings are wonderful for me and it is during those times that I can't believe that I feel the way I feel later in the day. I almost feel "normal." It is the mid afternoon that is hard for me. Recognizing that, I try to schedule my mall walks and working out around those times. If I don't feel like leaving the house, I spend time sewing or crafting which is something I like to do. I am being careful about what I eat as I don't have much of an appetite so I am making sure that I am eating lots of protein and fruits and vegetables when I do feel like eating.
When I feel overwhelmed and anxious, feel like I will never get out of this hole, I sit down and take a deep breath. I make a phone call to a dear relative or friend just to hear a voice of encouragement. I have been taping some really good sermons from the t.v. to listen to when I am discouraged. I recognize the things that I need to do to help move me along.
The medication will kick in and I will start to feel wonderful again. It is just a matter of time. The best part of this situation is that I have a well stocked freezer and pantry so if I don't feel like grocery shopping, I don't have to. It pays to be prepared.
So I am on the mend and I will be posting again. In the midst of all of this I have been sewing and making receiving blankets for my grand baby who is due to be born in a few weeks. I find great relaxation in sewing and with what I am going through now, this baby may end up with a lot of hand sewn items from grandma.
I love posting on this blog and for me not to post for a while, was a sign that some of you noticed and commented on. You are some pretty smart people!
“So do not
fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will
strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”