"If I am popular, I
will be happy and content."
"If people like me
and I have a lot of friends, then I will be happy and content."
"If people want what
I have, then I will be happy and content."
In this series, I have listed and will list several beliefs that
I have observed on searching for contentment.
Some are more on a smaller scale than others. Today
I am focusing on quit tying contentment to what people think of you. I believe that this is one of the biggest
struggles that people can face. We want
to be revered, looked up to, and perceived as successful. However, being driven by what people think of
you can be detrimental to your life and your finances. If you put your faith in what people think of
you, you may never be happy doing what you are now doing. You will not be content.
Think about it. Does what people think of you hold you back
or push you forward? I know that this is a problem that a lot of people have, as
there are a lot of designer clothes, new cars and brand new homes being sold
even in this economy. Statements are
being made. Perception is valued above
reality. If I am perceived as being
successful, then this will be my new reality.
I will be successful and happy.
The problem with this way of thinking is that if you are
going the way of what others think, then you will end up making bad
decisions. It does make you feel as if
you have a higher value than others, but it is false and doesn’t last.
Since this blog is about living a frugal life, here is an
example of how that kind of thinking can be detrimental. If I buy this great new expensive car, that I
can’t “afford” unless I extend the loan to 72 months, then people will think I
am successful. The same goes with if I
build a beautiful large new house, one that I can’t afford, then people will
think that I am successful and happy.
Having a nice vehicle or new home is not a bad thing, but if
you can’t afford it and if you are only doing it because you want to give a
certain impression to people, then it won’t be long before the thrill wears off
– especially if you are extended financially and really can’t afford it. You will not be content in the end. In fact you will be miserable as there will
always be something else you will want in order to give the correct appearance.
I’ve often wondered how many people are afraid to move
forward with their lives because they worry what people will think. Would more people be able to retire early or
more comfortably if they weren’t worried what other people thought? In other words if you drove an old car and lived
in a small two bedroom house, even though you could afford a “McMansion,” would
you be able to meet your dream of retiring early or living on one income? Better yet, would you finally be able to work
part time and spend more time with your family? Contentment can only come when you are doing
what truly makes you happy and it does not come from what other people think of
you.
Live your life without worrying about what others think. It is hard to do at times, but the older I
get I realize that doing what you want to do, going your own way does bring
true contentment and happiness.
People thought I was crazy to stay home full time after a
successful career as a legal assistant. I
had offers from two attorneys from two nearby cities when we closed the law
practice and I know that I would have made a nice sum of money but it just wasn’t
what I wanted to do. This was totally
against what people thought I should do.
Some people could not believe that I would “waste my talents” by staying home
full time.
I’m not perfect and I still struggle sometimes with the “what
will people think” equation, but I am happy.
Here I am 3 years after losing my job working Saturday afternoons at the
Public Library and watching an 8 year old neighbor boy after school 4
afternoons a week. I am doing what I
want to do and not because I have to. I
am for the most part, content.
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